Mums the word
by Lydiarrr
Summary: Plain and simple. This is basically what happens when me and my friends get bored during P.E- and then cant be bothered to do english or Blodge. Guest author, Paige She wrote most of it tbh :L :D General Fluff guys. Plz read :D kthnxbi.
1. How old are you?

'Are you in that TARDIS again? Will you get a life? I want grandchildren sometime in the next century! Ideally _before_ you reach your millennium!'

'Yeah.'

'Are you even listening to me?'

'Yup,' he said, twiddling the laces of his converse between his fingers sat on the chair he never ever sat on.

Unless he was talking to his mother.

'Really, son, when are you going to come home and introduce me to a lovely wife?'

Rose walked in. Cock.

'Who're you talking to?' She said, loudly. Shit.

'Who's that?' In his ear. Shiiiit.

He motioned across his throat, a slitting motion. He put a finger over his lips, a frazzled look on his face that Rose just had to laugh at.

'Do you have a girl there? An actual real life _girl_? When's the wedding!?'

'Mum. Please.'

Rose's eyes widened. _Mum?_ Fuck. Fucketty fuck fuck fuck.

Although, perfect chance for a bit of fun. She mused this over, a smile playing on her lips.

The doctor looked over, questioningly.

'What?' He mouthed. She was doing that smile. The one he didn't like the look of. The one which always lead to trouble.

She wandered over to him, hands behind her back and kissed him, gently on the cheek.

'I'm going to apologise in advance' She mumbled in his ear 'Seen as I never get a chance to afterwards'

'Rose, what th-?'

It was at that moment he realised. It was always at 'that moment' the one where it was too late to do anything about it.

As a last resort, he tried what he always did. He gave her the eyes. The puppy dog eyes.

His pride screamed at him to stop.

'Please don't' He whispered, staring at her. She avoided his gaze, the twinkle in her eyes becoming dangerously bright.

She opened her mouth.

Shit. This was it.

'OHHHHHHHHH!'

Her maturity had reached the level of a 10 year old and she laughed, through the sex noises, at his attempts to stop her. Pitiful though they were.

She couldn't hear his mum's side of things, but from where she was it was pretty damn hilarious.

'No, mum- Mum. Mum, listen to me. What could she possibly be doing? I'M ON THE PHONE TO YOU WHAT DO YO- Sorry mother. Yes I didn't mean to shou- Yes mum, mum. No, she –'

'Oooh, _Doctor_' Rose interjected, somewhat unhelpfully.

He glanced at her, peering over his glasses in what he hoped was a warning stare.

'Mother, I really have to go. Of course I'll ring you back. No, I haven't been avoiding you. Yes I know it's been over 800 year- I didn't have your number. Mum, I have to go.'

He plunked the phone down, and on the other end, his mother grinned in grim satisfaction that she was, in all likelyhood, about to get a grandchild.

Rose stopped. She didn't like that look. That stern, you're-in-for-it look.

Her mind ran through everything dirty and wrong which could possibly have anything to do with that sentence, and then attempted to push them to the back of her mind.

Until tonight anyway.

NO, stop it. Bad Rose.

He was still looking at her. Shit. Play it innocent, or act sexy, innocent or sexy, innocent or sexy.

'I dint know you had a mother'

She had decided on sexy, but her mind had pushed out innocent without her consent.

'Rose.' Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

'Mhm....?' She mumbled under her breath.

'What was that for?'

'What was what for?' Keeping it innocent.

'_Rose_.'

'I-ma....I'm gonna....go....tea.'

'Tea cures? God, you're turning into your mother.'

Rose stood up, pushing herself up off his lap. 'WHAT?'

Cock.

'What I mean, is...you....' Grr.

Rose's eyes narrowed. She found that low growl quite damn sexy, but she sure as hell wasn't letting _him_ know that.

'Roseee,' he growled again, lightening his grip on her waist.

'Well,' she mumbled, shocked at his attempts to sedate her anger. He gently dug his fingers into the soft flesh of her stomach, directing all his knowledge of sexiness towards avoiding the bitchslap which he knew was coming.

_Say something sexy, say something sexy, say something sexy._

'Mmmmmm strafflelop,' she mumbled at him, her mind once again defying her. Strafflelop? That wasn't even a word!

'What? He said, a puzzling look on his face.

'Nothing...'

'What was it?'

'_Nothing_,' she said, distracting him with the swift removal of his glasses. She leant forwards, twisting her fingers into his hair, stopping an inch from his lips.

'Rose, what – ?' She stopped him, thankful that her body was finally cooperating. His eyes gazed hungrily into hers as she kissed him passionately, feeling his hands roam her back with another low growl/

She stopped as suddenly as she had started, releasing her hands from his hair, taking a moment to drink in his dazed expression before skipping off to raid the kitchen. He watched her go, leaning back in the console chair. He'd do something nice. She was right. He should have told her.

Although he was pretty smug that he had won charm vs. bitchslap.

Stroking the coral-like centre column, he murmured to the TARDIS, 'take us somewhere nice.' Pushing a few random buttons (as was his custom), he smiled slightly as she responded with a gentle hum.

Rose walked back in, with two steaming mugs of tea. She plunked them on the side, and they both smiled at the sound and smell that meant the mini-fight was over. Rose looked at him quizzically as she noticed the central column was moving.

'Where are we going?' She asked.

'It's a surprise,' he said, winking at her. She walked over and dragged him down to the chair again. He moulded her to his shape (with quick, well practised movements), and kissed her forehead. Rose wrapped her arms around his neck, and she –

Ring ring. Ring ring. Riiiiiiiiiiiiing. . He slumped over her shoulders, defeated as his mum's voice blared out of the speakerphone.

'I THOUGHT you were going to call me BACK!?'


	2. Ever heard of Hagrid?

'I thought you said somewhere nice?'

The rain hammered down over the large, pink umbrella as they both huddled for warmth.

'It's not my fault her voice recognition has gone a bit funny. Either that or she just doesn't like you.'

'Of course she likes me. I saw into the soul or something didn't I?'

'And nearly died. Maybe she holds herself responsible?'

'Meh.'

The pissing rain hadn't let up all morning. The sky was a cloudy orange, with three moons of varying sizes overhead. No matter how many times or how many places the Doctor took her, Rose was still speechless.

A fact which he frequently took advantage of.

Rose didn't see it coming.

He twirled her around so she was facing him, wrapped one arm around her waist and kissed her. It was more urgent, sort of desperate kiss. The sort of kiss he reserved for when they were in mortal danger. Rose was surprised to say the least. When he broke away, she gawped for a second before composing herself and asking,

'Why do you have a pink umbrella?'

He looked at her, quizzically.

'So you don't comment on the kiss, you comment on the umbrella?'

She nodded, happily.

'I'm just wondering, I mean, if you're...you know...batting for the other team I would appreciate it if you told me before the relationship gets any more...physical.'

'A lot of famous people have pink umbrellas.'

'They do?'

'Yeah.'

'Who like?'

He seemed slightly aggravated. 'Never heard of Hagrid?'

'Who?' She asked, with a sudden feeling that that was entirely the wrong thing to say.

'When we get back I'm going to-'

Rose stopped listening there, choosing instead to substitute the rest of that sentence with things her mind wanted to hear. She really needed to stop this, she reasoned, before her thoughts ran away with her.

She carried on in this manner for what seemed a few hours, before she realised that the Doctor was staring at her with a look that said he was not pleased.

'What?' She asked, putting on her innocent-face.

'You've been gawping at me for ten minutes. You spaced out. Do you....no...'

'Do I what?'

'Do you need a Doctor?'

'I need....why did we come to this planet again? And what was it called?'

'It's called something unpronounceable. Let's call it Geoff.'

'Geoff?'

'Geoff. So, Rose, Geoff,' he said, indicating the ground. 'Geoff, Rose.'

They began walking towards the horizon, where a vast temple (hotel) stood, dwarfing every other building around it. Rose didn't know yet, but they had a room booked.

Going a whole planet and four thousand years to get away from his mother.

'Nice room'

'Thanks'

'I thought you didn't carry money'

'I don't'

The room was big. No wait, it was BIG. White walls adorned with satin curtains and silk drapes reflected the pink of the setting sun, making it glow unnaturally.

No bed however.


End file.
